HI DARLINGS..it’s Maya again your favourite ✍writer at The Soul Spa.
This post follows from the last public post we made on why strong people hardly show pain. Sadly darling this will be the last free post on this series as the next one will be made available strictly to Patreons only. So enjoy…
As a strong myself …(remember the definition of the truly strong from the last post right?), I went through some of the most distressing moments of my life during my teens alone, while smiling 😃to my family and friends and performing well in School.
The truth is, I found it really difficult to be vulnerable and even though I was always chatty, open, friendly and extroverted , there parts of me, that my loved ones knew nothing about but should have. *see first post*
I hated someone seeing me cry and I believed that crying publicly was something the weak did. I think somewhere really deep inside of me, I’d also convinced myself that no one or only few people cared so when I cried, I would do it in the bathroom, them wear red lipstick and come out crying.
Fast forward to 20l7 when I consciously and intentionally started my mental level up journey. Our new neighbour was a psychologist and a black belter in martial arts. He was the first to encourage vulnerability in me without me really knowing the importance.
And then when I got busy with my school research on trauma it dawned on me that I had it , I would not say wrong all these years because it was a coping mechanism, but the “be strong all the time” mantra was not healthy.
Infact I was so opposed to public tears that my now late father would confess that the first time he saw me cry as an adult was in 2017.
Now I hear you ask, Maya what benefit would there be to break down, is that not a waste of my my time? Find out below.
BENEFITS
Break down dear one because it is good for you, your brain and vision.
You see the mind is complex and tears have been shown in research to be good for us.
Although I started allowing myself to break down publicly more over the years it was in 2021 the real break occurred. I’d gotten into an automobile accident that prevented me from crying for 8months plus due to inflammation. Meanwhile my father died, got buried and I had to virtually attend his funeral because I was still sick, and through all of this I could not shed one tear. I had to keep my eyes dry. Talk about difficult right …
By the time I could finally cry 8 months later, it felt soooo good, I was like dammit I should cry more often. My mood was lifted, my head was clear and I felt like I had purged alot of negativity from my energy field and mind. Which brings me to the next benefit.
BREAK DOWN PURGES YOU
If you are African you will know of herbal cleansing for the belly. If you’re not African I’m sure you know of detox or exfoliation. If you have natural hair you know or clarify hair rinse.
Essentially these are ways to strip the body or body parts by breaking it down. This purges all negativity and gives your head a space to regroup. Basically you reset to square zero so that you can have a clean plate to build on. So break down darling …it’s a good detox.
BREAKDOWN SO YOU KNOW WHO IS REAL IN YOUR CIRCLE
See when you are shining and radiating, there will be so much people around you. Your real home buddies though will be the ones who turn up when you hit zero. Remember the car accident I mentioned and the difficulty of 2021, so many people turned up for me that I was overwhelmed with love, support and inflow of abundance. From hugs to money to texts to calls, friends and even strangers shocked my that till date my ❤is just so filled with gratitude. And if you are reading this as one of those friends abeg chop and take 💋.
Dear one, by breaking down you allow yourself to see the real you and show friends you are real and human too. That way the fake homies can exit and the real folks, can turn up and show support. Those are the folks we want around us anyway.
BREAK DOWN ALLOWS OTHERS STEP UP
I know this must be difficult for some people. What? Maya are you sure? Can I rely on others you say ? Maybe they did you dirty in the past ✅..and now you don’t trust no one. Honey you have to trust someone 1. People also do not read minds.
By breaking down publicly around your buddies or ladies, you allow them to step up and support you.
A listening ear, a soft chest to cry on, a bear hug, pecks and hugs and 💋, you get that when you allow yourself to break down.
I promise there are people who care and they will surprise you, if you let them. You are supported darling but you have to open space for the support to come in…to show them that they are needed. New rule open up and you will be filled. Close up and nothing can flow. Dare to be vulnerable.
BREAKING DOWN HELPS YOU CONNECT
This is related to the last point. The fact is human connections are made in moments of need. Fact is you are not an island. Yes you can do alot alone but you will do the most with support and help. So my darling, strong one, dare to break down.
Before you do this though some questions need answers.
Should you host a pity party for yourself anytime you hit the ground? That is definitely not a good thing.
What should you do to break down? 🍸 beer alcohol or binge cigarettes and drugs or parties?
Lock yourself in a room or sleep with different women in one hour?Dance till the stars turn blue?
Cry till your head spins?Before whom should you do all this breakdown anyway?
To get the exact 🚶♂️steps needed to do this correctly and how to know who will hold space for you when you need it, and also how to know WHEN TO BREAK DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE, become a patreon to unlock that post. It is worth it and any of the teirs of memberships will give you access to it.
Until next post darling, stay strong but consider adding the courage to be vulnerable to your list of strengths.
You are supported especially here at the Soul Spa.
To more strength, confidence and a
Misty spray of abundance to you, yours and us. See you inside the post in the members only lounge 🍷🥂
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