Even as I write this second post my lovelies I am reminded of how much I love writing and the arts. Really, truly, deeply. The problem is I’m so busy I end up breaking my heart and yours by not updating posts as often as I can here. I will try to do that more now. Pinky promise sealed with a peck.
Now that we have done that let’s return to this affaire. On a personal level I really take a more traditional approach to dating. All my values align with the traditional approach plus my childhood experiences necessitates this. This post though if for the hot chick..loool, ok scratch that, I mean the lady and gentleman who needs a bit more clarity on what approach to follow in a relationship regarding who pays for what and where the feminism analysis comes in. I am not here to tell you what to think or feel…I am sharing a dating story of mine in the western world and allowing you to draw your own analysis. May I share that this is not my my first encounter with western men? They seem to give me more comfort I DONT KNOW WHY…rotfl. This though was my first encounter dating a western man, in the west and it was really weird.
photo source:unsplash.com
So we are gonna call our date let see.. thinking out loud on this page…let’s call this guy the Nigerian name for for yeye (misbehaving people) which is okoro. Ok so this okoro o, I met him through a friend. Personally I prefer being set-up by friends in a traditional matchmaking style, i told you I am traditional. A man seeing me and approaching him, while I find that charming, I may not really trust him fully. This is just me though everyone is different as our faces are. Anyways, my friend didn’t actually set me up with Okoro. We all planned to hang out and the moment I walked in, he was swept off his feet. So he claims. Men…menn…these wonderful people we share the planet with. Ok so okoro got swept off his feet and Okoro promised to give me the world. I didn’t ask for it o..I didn’t even ask him for anything at that moment as I felt he was not serious. A couple of weeks down he kept texting and calling me asking for a date.
Then I was working in the wonder beauty and wellness store Sephora. We had this rebate for about 20 something percent off beauty and wellness items if you are a staff. So when I finally agreed to go with him on a date, my friend was obviously going to be there as a chaperone but I needed some small glow up items. He agreed to get them for me and I said he could even use the rebate. He said oh no I don’t need that charity…hehe..male bravado at its finest. So Okoro and my girlfriend came to my work station and I went in with him to pick some items. A Sephora brush, Fenty lip balm, Fenty primer, a face powder by Huda beauty, a blush and a tatcha beauty foundation. All were things I used on that first date with okoro. Mind you okoro has promised me the world and to spoil me o. I didn’t even ask him for a Porsche o this were my regular beauty items. I again offered him the rebate. Okoro said no.
So we went on the date, we had fun with some nice conversation. My friend actually met someone else she knew at the venue and it quickly became a double date. To be honest, the restaurant was very high end, so I do give Okoro that point for location. However he also got to show me off in a very interesting way. I was asking myself like…have I gone now from human to arm candy in the space of 45 minutes. We know men like to chill with girls who look put together. That’s also something I tell my ladies over here in this beauty lounge. Do not let feminism lie to you o…psychology will always win. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I have a nice ebook here on 10 places to shop beauty and fashion items on a budget. It is a must have pocket book for the well kept lady. Ok back to okoro. When we returned to the car and it was time to drop me off, me and my girlfriend came down. Okoro and I stood talking close to the car and he asked for a kiss.. Ah…! E wo…me! Feminism frying number two.
Ladies, please don’t do it. Don’t do it. I don’t care if he is white, milk, orange, black, brown red or green man from the moon. Even if you will kiss a guy not on the first date. They do judge you by and for it and why would I kiss this Okoro who came into my life promising heaven and earth? Is it because he bought some cosmetics I still would have gotten later on in the month? I have had previous relationships where I was spoilt rotten with no such intimate expectations. Am I a cow for sale? I thanked him for “spoiling” me and declined to do so. Do you know what happened next?
Okoro went into a tandem about how girls should pay, how women said they are equal to men, how this and how that. I told him men and ladies have different roles and I was sorry his mom did not teach him that being a gentleman might include paying. I told him he could compete with his female boss if he wanted to, but if he desired me as his girl, he would have to step up, lead, pay and offer to protect in order for me to feel safe with him. Okoro brought out all the feminist theory he could whip out and I got so exhausted I simply told him “Listen darling, I am sad to see you you upset but long story short, feminism since you keep bringing it up is about choice. That a girl should have the ability to choose for herself and this is what I choose. A traditional man able to provide for the girl and family that will bear his name.”
Okoro then did the unthinkable. Okoro took back the products he got me rotfl…the brain frying and the cognitive dissonance was unreal. It was unbelievable. I didn’t know if I should cry or laugh. I said really? He said yes he would return them back to Sephora. I said you know what good bye. Delete my number, as clearly you are not a man and I am into men. I walked out and he must have heard my girlfriend’s long hiss. We made sure to snub him moving forward. The morale of the story my love is this misapplication of feminism. I personally do not care too much for social theories. They are effective in explaining a cause but then they keep evolving right. If though you really need to subscribe to one please remember this…if a lady says she wants to be a full time house wife that is alright. If she says she wants to go 50/50 with her man that’s also alright. It was at this point I recalled my French friends fighting with their man for carrying their luggage. I am like why are you fighting with him this bag is clearly bigger than you. Arghh I thought. Western feminism at its finest. Another time I offered to uber a very helpful friend back home. She asks me pointedly, if I am Ubering her because I believe she cannot walk? Haba Hbibi…I am Ubering you because I want you to be comfortable and not have to walk home. alone. at night. Again, I pause to reflect, feminism misaplied.
Everyone has a reason for what they choose and the type of men they can respect. I have always been drawn to men who can pay bills and I respect them so much and learn from them. It’s how I was raised. My brother’s wife is a house wife with a beauty store opened for her my my brother. My older sister is a housewife with a bakery opened for her by her husband. This website was opened for me by my ex. It doesn’t make any lady less to choose this. It makes it about choice. Feminism is frying male and females…confusing everyone or shall I say misapplied feminism? In actuality dear one, feminism is about choice. Allow the feminine to choose and if she chooses masculine leadership and to be provided for great. To be provided for is not synomous with ownership. AT ALL AT ALL O…Please see part one of this series. If though baby girl chooses something else, that is her choice. We can all blossom, in the face of choices.
Life may be harsh, but as Simisola Nigerian singer said to Falz when he was trying to force her to date him, life is not a military regime. Dating is most certainly not a military regime. Oga okoro please only approach a girl you can take care off…and know that gifts are not meant to be returned. Life ,may not be easy but it can be simple if do not over complicate it. Literally, it is not that deep.
Namaste and let me know your thoughts below….
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