A THOUSAND BIRTHS: AN ODE TO CHRISTINA PERRI’S “A THOUSAND YEAR’S” PIANO COVER BY THE PIANO GUYS AND BROOKLYN DUO

I was awake…breathing..living..seeing..hearing…being born, experiencing a fresh incredible feeling of positive rebirth…even though lately I’d been under a lot of bad stress. Under a lot of unprocessed stress and mental distress. In this moment though, I was listening to a song. It was strongly reminding my all of my cells with every vibrating note, to let of the past and all its anguish and embrace the inner child, my self , who has been waiting a thousand years and more for me to love her so fiercely, soo deeply..so completely, flaws and all. It was true, I have been unfairly treated and stressed but it was time for a rebirth. It was alot to purge out but here I 1sat, doing just that. From discovering that the source of my now dissipating anxiety was childhood trauma and my turbulent teenage years, to losing my amazing, charismatic father whom I loved dearly but with whom I shared a rather complex relationship, to getting into three accidents within a weekend, to learning that my ex-fiancé had moved on and suddenly remarried while i still brewed with love for him (or so I thought at the time), to dealing with starting a new life in a new place and having to deal with things like “sexual and physical harassment” as part of “my journey of adjustment” to winning amazing writing awards, my life had gone from stand still to 360 degrees different in about two years.

So here I sat, listening to free music, flowing over me, washing away things I probably would have had to pay more, to have wash away.

I didn’t process the stress because It was a lot to process, and I should have processed it as the mental health champion I was, but I didn’t. Especially the trauma which come to think of it I had no idea was trauma anyway. I’d had strange people in my life experience, who told me I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, I was all things bad and all things horrible. I never realized until adulthood that all of those experiences were shady and hurtful to a child when the child should have been receiving pure love and acceptance. It was painful to experience trauma of any type and be told you were overacting or being “too sensitive”. Talk about gas-lighting. In an ideal world with perfect rains and suns, I should have faced those false accusations around my personal life, processed them and released them. I had nothing to prove to anyone and my life would be the testimony of the love I have for myself, my inner child and the people I chose to help rise.

But I couldn’t process any of it. I couldn’t…for fear I would not get up after that process, that I’d be lost in the journey. I feared I’d be buried liked deep coal in a long forgotten mining house screaming please I am here don’t just step over me. I had buried all the emotions, stuffed it down, with no idea as to what it will take to let it all out. I listened to trusted friends and advisors tell me I needed to breath, I listened to them pray to God on my behalf asking for a calm heart to be given to me, for I was near breaking point at this stage. Only I didn’t know what they were seeing… a stuck up me, in sheer survival mood, bottled up, fading away constantly feeling rushed like someone on a hyper drug…and that was the anxiety threatening to topple me over.

I listened to my usual songs and watched, like a mother from afar as I got more irritated, my inner child struggling with more anxiety and irritation as I got fed up with hearing lyrics that reminded me of everything I wanted to forget. Then I moved to Indian songs just because the Hindi I could not understand helped me stay calm and the sounds were sensually refreshing, then I moved on to Arabic belly dances and continued moving on and on seeking something that could only come to me when it desired to. or spring from within me. Then it did. It did come to me. One day while scrolling through celebrity gossip and YouTube music, I decided to listen to a song I loved in Cello and violin version instead, and when it finished, the hauntingly soothing notes of Christina Perri’s song, came on next in Cello immediately calling forth the lyrics “I have died a thousand years waiting for you, Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years”.

The lyrics were called to my mind with a natural flow, like gasping waterfalls, while the tones of Cello, Piano and Violin floated across my heart, healing wounds I wasn’t even aware of, kissing my skin with their caress, paving the way for calm and stability to walk boldly in. Off-course calm and stability carried abundance as a packed gift for me…wrapped in the form life energy and ideas for soon after, I immediately jumped up and started doing all the tasks I had prolonged and completing the writing drafts and photography edits I had to send.

What was it about music that had such a profound effect on humanity? What was it about the arts that was so fulfilling, so flourishing, nourishing, and so utterly healing? I had no idea and I had no way to capture it in words but perhaps that was exactly what its charm was about-so moving, and all encompassing that you had no way to capture it in words except to only deeply experience it. What? A deep painting of dark night skies, a photograph of a river, a moving story, words from a sensual poetry reading, dance, music, an orchestra a movie with a story line that punches your gut and leaves you gasping for more,….it was only through experience that art could be captured. As I cried and listened and typed into my computer, I remembered reading about a lady just a few days back whom the media reported had an orgasm from an orchestra. That was art in all its healing glory for you, a gift from creator himself to us! That was how I saw it…no more no less.

I sat there, listening to this Cello Rendition of A Thousand Years, letting the unexpressed emotions I’d stuffed down, swell up, rise up and dissipate. I sat there, holding my chest, tears flowing down my face thinking there’s just a lot of pain in my chest and I just really need all of it to float out, to die and then to be reborn. This was life, this process of dying to pain and getting up to gain, it was life dear ones. Some will have more pain than others, that was given, who gave that given we still don’t know but maybe we do but like to ignore creation’s story or we just really still think its unfair or we just don’t care about those stories anymore. It was unfair as f**k excuse my choosing to swear but today was just one of those days, and the only way through was to wade through and to master a new art while riding on this journey called life. We all needed to master the fine art of turning pains to gain, loving ourselves fiercely and celebrating those with whom we can share our love. However few they may be.

I didn’t have one single reason for crying, but I had a thousand and then some more. It was an un-regular experience for me woven from all the complex journeys I had been hiding from-I had failed to process them and I just sat in that chair, letting the words of this iconic song of love and the notes from the Cello glide over my wounds. Balm to my soul. I should say I did it. The things on my bucket list were getting checked off one after the other. It was taking grit, determination, confidence, prayer but most of all bravery and courage I didn’t even know I had, but dammit yes! They were getting checked off my list for sure. After making the move to a new country, however, I almost lost it. Not because I was no longer queen of adaptability, but because my heart was crying that it was too much, too soon, too quick and I wasn’t slowing down enough to catch my breath. I wasn’t even slowing down in the mirror to say “cheers Harriet Edeyan Maya, we freaking did it!” I really had no one saying that to me either so I must have forgotten to say it to myself too.

My father, my dear father, now passed on, was one of my biggest cheerleaders. I wasted many years fighting with him even though I will be the first to admit he could be a total pain many times, but I sincerely wished I had learned techniques for managing difficult parental relationships sooner. That way I could have created more happier memories with him. It was a lesson that taught me more on the power of gratitude in life…to celebrate the little things. Have boundaries ,yes dear ones \, but remember to make one of those boundaries, a celebration!

Only I didn’t know what boundaries were until a couple of months ago. Sure, I had some naturally, but the concept of how boundaries really worked to protect us was totally unknown to me and that revelation led to my current work focus-mental health advocacy. To help as many as would care to listen to understand these simple concepts that so often elude every day social spaces, where they should under normal conditions be very very present in. Every one should know about boundaries, about complex relationships, about processing pain and tears, about overcoming pain, about celebrating gains, about self esteem, about honoring and loving the self, about the fine art of loving others. Every one should go to therapy, or have a therapist, or have a place to process and prioritize their mental health. A mind gym equivalent of the famous physical gym.

As the final notes of the song floated through me, the first by Piano Guys and the next by Brooklyn Duo, I acknowledged that I was uncovering so many layers of who I was with each note. Just by sitting there, present with the pain, listening to the pain and not trying to change it, run away from it or whatever it was voicing. I knew music was good for mental health but this was sound therapy on a whole new level. Simply because I didn’t push it, I didn’t force it, no pressure, it was just happening. I was experiencing a Thousand Rebirth with every note. I acknowledged, the pains in not being an emotional person, in wearing a hard exterior most days and despising vulnerability. I acknowledged the pain that caused the pain and fear of vulnerability, and I acknowledge all the new pains life might still toss at me. Whether I was wrong or right to toughen up, it didn’t matter, for it served a purpose at some point and now? now, it was time my hard exterior was faded away. I almost lost my self when I arrived in my new home, but sitting and listening to Christina Peri’s A thousand years cover by this Piano guys, I realized my inner child has actually just been waiting for me. Waiting for me to bend down and pick her up, to rediscover myself-a rebirth if you will-from all the pain that had floated past her. All the pain she had had to witness, to endure to suffer, to brace up to, to deny, to lye through, to wade through, paddle through and now all the glory that that very individualistic path had led her to. I stopped crying, my heart swelled with determination and strength. I got this. I got her. I got me. I could do this and even though my greatest cheerleader was gone I still had two remaining-My inner child and creator. Each win in life was for them both, each loss was to be shared with them both.

My hard exterior was folding up, melted away with the tears. I didn’t want to sleep anymore even though it was 1.am. I wanted to work through the night, so filled was I with new energy! I knew it was bad to stay up as a believer in healthy living lifestyle, so as I prepared this post to wrap up, instead. Very fittingly, Christina’s song ended, replaced by the Cello version of Beyonce’s “Halo”. Her lyrics reminded me of exactly what I was experiencing in this moment. My pent up walls were crumbling down, “It’s like I was being awakened”….complete with an angel softly leading my hand to a new glow, to thanksgiving, gratitude, rejoicing and celebration. I was grateful for my life, for my lessons, blessings, and the pace at which I learned them- if it took a thousand years, then it takes a thousand years. I chose in this moment to remain forever grateful for the way that I learned and how I chose to reweave those lessons into more blessings, and my whole life. My bruised walls were crumbling…giving birth to brighter, higher, stronger yet lighter energies of harmony and strength, much like the symphony I just heard. It was time for a rebirth the song called to my soul. This was my rebirth-it felt like it had waited a thousand years, but I was grateful, I was finally here for I felt so soothed, anew, reborn, rebirthed.

*Thank you dear lovely reader, I hope you enjoyed this piece I wrote in 8 minutes while sitting in front of the Television listening to this beloved song in Cello and Violin notes* If some of my experiences and healing words resonated with you check out my two go to kits for badass positivity each day. one is free and the other is just 5.99 dollars …you can get both on this site or on amazon with this link.

*Wanna read the song lyrics? Find it written below and also find my United Nations Award winning Story “A thousand Deaths” below with the link attached to the collection, both are connected to this write up. That story is based on some life experiences and centered around my mantra-“turning pains to gains*

*If you love this piece please consider a donation by buying a coffee as low as 2.00 dollars with the secured link by clicking on the green coffee cup below. The proceed goes to my Child Welfare, Youth Aid and Mental Health foundation. Lots of Love and Namaste and if this featured song has also before moved you be sure to comment below. I will see you in my next post tomorrow!*

A thousand Years-Lyrics (once upon a time you encounter a song, that is a master-piece like the one below, and it forever steals a part of you)

The day we met
Frozen, I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I’d found a home for my heart Beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more.

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this.

One step closer. I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more. and all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh
I love you for a thousand more
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh One step closer. I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more. And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Hi ! I am called by my now oddly famous name Maya, by most people, especially those who love me. I blog and vlog about healthy living, ethnic culture, fashion, African and Biracial natural hair, the arts, and the power of music, dance, movies and the arts to transform your mental health …for good. If this sounds like fun to you (which I am sure it does, subscribe to my newsletter and I will sprinkle you with amazing weekly content. Remember you are enough, Darling, Namaste and baby, don’t leave without donating to my child-welfare foundation...Thank you in advance. if on you healing journey, once again check out my free tool and the accompanying 5.dollar bundle to take it deeper here.